Good stuff. A few minor nit-picks follow:
'I hope you are the best Valens has' should be in Italics, to show it is thought and not part of the narration.

The bit where you switch out of first-person narration to include a dialogue scene between the bad guys that the narrator couldn't have overheard or found out about, is at odds with the way the rest of the story has been written. The reference to the changes to come is intriguingly ominous, though.

The reference to the White Star Line prioritising anything over speed seems strange after the famous event of 1912.